A growing mind is a changing mind.

Ephesians 2 Talk

2012-02-08T21:13:00.000-05:00

Slide 1: Video of Ephesians 2
That was Ephesians 2, read by Francis Chan and LeCrae.
At one of the sessions, Louie Giglio suggested that preaching is an important part of worship. He asked those in the dome to stand during the sermon, just like they did during the worship. The preaching that day, though, was done by Paul, rather than any of the big names available at the conference. We experienced LeCrae, Beth Moore, Louie Giglio, Francis Chan and John Piper make way for the Word of the Lord. Rather than adding anything, they allowed the Word to speak. What a powerful message it was!
Let’s look again at the words read by Francis and LeCrae.
Slide 2: Ephesians 2:1-3 (NASB) 1 And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, 2 in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. 3 Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.
The NIV says it like this: “ 1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.”
We were dead. We could have been that body on the stretcher being carried off to a hole in the ground. That’s what we deserved because of our sin. That could have been the end of the story.
But Jesus was interrupted by death. He had compassion on the grieving widow. He had compassion on us. The next 2 words of this passage tell us everything.
Slide 3.1: BUT GOD.
Those two words make all the difference for us.
Slide 3.2: being rich in mercy
God doesn’t just have mercy on us, He is bathing in this mercy. He’s got mercy overflowing in him… FOR US!!!
Slide 3.3: Because of his great love with which
Slide 3.4: He loved us
It’s God’s love and mercy that’s making the difference here. We deserved death. We were headed for a funeral. But God was rich in mercy and abounding in love towards us.
Slide 4: even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)
This God, who loved us with this huge love, made us alive. Even when we were his enemies because of our sin, God interrupted the funeral procession.
There was another time that God interrupted in death. Jesus gave up his life to pay the debt that we owed. But God didn’t let him stay dead. God interrupted death to bring life.
He does the same for us now. This death that Jesus suffered, and the resurrection that God brought, these things mean that we get to experience life after death. We have been made alive again, because of grace. We were saved from the hole in the ground. We have been saved from the death that we deserved.
But this amazing grace doesn’t stop with just giving us life. No, our God is abounding in rich love and extravagant mercy.
Slide 5: Verses 6-7, “6 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.”
Not only does He give us life, but God gives us a future. He sets us up! He gives us a place and surrounds us with riches.
Can you imagine this! We go from dead and decaying on a stretcher headed towards our own funeral, to sitting in the throne room of Heaven, surrounded by riches!
That’s my God! Can you believe this!
So let’s just be sure we’ve got this. The next verse does a great job of summarizing for us.
Slide 6: Verses 8-9, “8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
We were dead. We deserved death. BUT GOD!!! Through His amazing mercy, saw it fit to save us from the death we had earned. Because of His grace we have been given a new life. It is purely a gift of God. I earned my death, I can’t earn my life. It’s not in me. I have to be given my new life, a gift of God. I didn’t do anything good enough to get this from God, I can’t boast about this, I didn’t do this.
So what do we do now? What does getting new life mean?
Slide 7: Verse 10, “10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”
2:7-10 (MSG) “Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.”
Not only is this God so filled with mercy and grace that he freed us from the chains of our own death, but he had plans for us before we even took a breath. He made us, created us in His amazing love and mercy to do good things.
So what are these good works we’re supposed to get busy doing?
In tying this back to the cause of Freedom from the Passion Conference, we need to remember that one big work we have to go about doing is bringing freedom.
Just one book back from Ephesians we find a verse that tells us one thing we need to be doing. Galatians 5:1 tells us.
Slide 8: Galatians 5:1, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
One of the Passion speakers, Christine Caine, said, “Surely God wants to use rescued people to rescue people.”
We are the ones who have tasted this freedom. We know how good it is to have the shackles of our former nature broken. It is our job to get busy sharing that freedom. This is part of the good works that God prepared in advance for us to do.
Surely, the goal of our Christian life is not to arrive safely at death. This is not the work God had planned for us.
Freedom is! We have amazing news to share with the world; God loves us enough to save us from the debt of death that we owe! This is a message worth shouting about! This is a message worth risking our popularity about! This is a message worth losing our comfort over! This is a message worth losing friends over!
This is the work that God prepared in advance for us to do. We have been created in Christ Jesus to do work like him. We get to interrupt death with amazing life. We get to stop the funeral march our friends and family and even strangers are on. We are not that far separated from it ourselves. We remember how slippery that slope was to death. But we have the message of hope.
God loves us enough to pay the price we owe. The price has been paid. We have freedom available, ready for the taking. How can we keep that to ourselves?

God, we thank you for your word. We thank you for your grace. We thank you for the extravagant mercy at you lavished on us. We thank you for the freedom we’ve experienced. We thank you for the good deeds you’ve prepared for us. God, give us boldness now to bring this freedom to others. Show us how to express the amazing work you’ve done in us so that others will want to experience your goodness, too. God, we don’t want to keep this to ourselves. This is too big! You, God, are too big to not share.
Lord, please show us the things that even now are leading us to our funeral. Help us put these things behind us. Help us take your hand and get up from the stretcher. If it’s freedom that you have for us, Lord, help us walk in it!
God we ask for your help in bringing this freedom to all those you’ve placed in our paths. Open our eyes to see the opportunities to share in this work.
We love you, Jesus.

Me and a Christmas Tree

2011-12-11T21:09:00.001-05:00

This morning at church an interesting metaphor came to mind. My beautiful friend, Jen, was offering the teaching, even though she's suffering from a cold and only a week away from her finals. We are looking at the Advent topics and this week was peace. We talked about the peace that comes only from a relationship with Christ and the responsibility we have to share that peace with those around us and the world as a whole.

Jen shared with us that one of her favorite childhood Christmas memories was sitting in the living room with the lights off looking at the tree all lit up. She asked us to meditate on peace and look at the lights. Not because we worship a Christmas tree, but because it gives us a moment to reflect. It was definitely a peaceful moment. And here's what came to my mind. I hope that you find some part of it that means something to you.

I looked at the tree and noticed that it wasn't the tree that I saw. I saw the lights. I saw the light reflecting off the garland and the ornaments. But the tree just faded into the background. As I journaled I asked God to help me know peace. I asked that He show me how to show peace. And then it clicked. God showed me what the tree and I need to have in common.

A Christmas tree is beautiful when its all lit up and glowing from the strands of lights. Sometimes they are all white and other times a variety of beautiful colors. But when the lights are unplugged the tree looks dark, and kind of gaudy. If all the lights in the room are on, the Christmas tree pales in comparison. Those lights are not the strongest bulbs, but they do glow on. If we lower the other lights or turn them off all together, just picture the beauty that tree creates.

When we have accepted Christ as our Lord, He places a light within us. This light is meant to shine and show His amazing love to those around us. But in a world that sometimes shines so brightly, that light can be hard to see. Discipleship is the process of putting aside the world to strongly pursue Christ, a sort of dimming of the lights the world shines. As we dim these worldly lights, the light of Christ begins to shine.

So how am I like that Christmas tree? Its more than dimming the lights the world shines around me. God showed me that my role, like the tree, is to fade into the background. Don't get me wrong, I think an evergreen tree is beautiful, but when wrapped in those sparkling lights it's beauty is something extra special. Each part of the Christmas decorations has a correlation to our spiritual lives:

The lights on the tree represent the light of Christ, the Holy Spirit shining as a seal upon our hearts of something greater.

The garland wraps around a tree and glimmers not on its own right, but because of the lights that have already been placed. This stuff can be in a variety of colors and styles, but the shimmery, reflective material sends the light from those lights bursting forth in a million directions. Just as garland is wrapped around the tree, so too is grace wrapped around the Christian's life. In some places the Christian is wrapped in this grace more tightly than others, but in all the places, from top to bottom, grace reflects the light of Christ, inward towards the tree and outward for the world.

The ornaments on a tree can vary so greatly. My family's Christmas tree has always been covered in a lovely handmade ornaments from our growing up years. We also have a variety of ornaments from my parent's younger years. And then there are the beautiful new ones, silvery or sparkly. Some of these reflect the lights more easily than others, some are dark until a light from the strand is placed in front of it or behind it and illuminates the images it bears. Others, like the garland, send the light out in a million directions. Just as each ornament on our tree reminds me of a story from my past, so too am I covered in these stories. Some of them reflect the light of Christ better than others, but together they show the grace and purpose God has shown in my life. As I allow the light of Christ to be placed near these experiences, they begin to glow more beautifully. I learn from my past how God was paving the way for the beauty that would come. And now, as I am walking more closely to His side, He places beautiful new ornaments on my life, ones that send His light to the ends of the earth.

After we've looked the tree over we look up and see that tree topper. Some trees have stars at the top, others have angels, but you will be hard pressed to find a tree with nothing at the top. For me the tree topper reminds me of the crown that is to come. My faith in Christ offers me an amazing hope of a life to come. This life is one where everything has finally been set right. Suffering will end and strivings will cease. I will find my rest in Christ, my Savior, and will receive a crown for the completion of this race.

When the tree is finally assembled and the lights are dimmed, there is a moment that takes my breath away. The moment when the lights come on and the room is filled with this Christmas experience. All of the world is still for a moment as we take in the light that is filling our lives.

One passage we read this morning was from Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Jen admitted a bit of confusion because we are called the children of God from the moment we receive the grace Christ offers and accept the payment for our sins. This morning I understood that this will be the world recognizing the peace we are making and where it comes from, the light of Christ. We must be makers of peace throughout the world so that they can see the light of Christ. We must dim the lights of the world and shimmer in the light. Then the world will recognize, not a job well done by us, but the God who gives peace and grace to all. They will see lives set right and justice made real. They will see families coming together and broken hearts healed. All in the light of Christ, radiating from a life devoted to reflecting that light.

At Christmas we focus on the baby who was born in such a lowly position, the Christ-child. We remember the faith of His earthly parents and the amazing scene that God set for His son's arrival. But as a Christian my eyes look beyond the manger where the baby slept to the road that led Him to a very important tree. The Christ-child came with a singular focus, the cross, execution on a stake. He did this for us, each and every one of us. The Christ-child came for me. The Christ-child came for YOU! He longs to know you and be known by you. He longs to light up the life you are living. He longs to make things right in your life and offer you peace. If this is something you'd like to experience, please ask me. I'd love to share the peace with you!

Jesus said what? John 6:51-58

2011-09-14T23:37:00.001-04:00

John 6:51-58
New International Version (NIV)
51 I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”
52 Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”
53 Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. 55 For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. 56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.”

“How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” What an honest question. The statements Jesus makes in this section are confusing to say the least. Eat my flesh, drink my blood. He seems to be suggesting cannibalism of a living man.

Obviously we don't read this passage as cannibalism. We must bridge the gap between the appeared what we read and the meaning of the passage. Our job as teachers is to bring this message to our current readers and students.

Jesus says that he is the living bread that came down from heaven. Just as manna came down from heaven to provide for the Israelites as they wandered in the desert, Jesus came to provide for us. The sustenance that came from manna lasted only for the day. They could gather enough to satisfy a daily hunger, but any extra would go bad over night. They had no way of providing beyond a daily need.

Our lives may seem so much better than this daily fight for survival. We have refrigeration and food preservation. We can buy something today and eat it months from now. But are we really providing for ourselves? Are our needs really being met? We must eat again every few hours if we wish to keep hunger at bay. We keep pictures of our families in our wallets or on our cell phones to remind us of the love that we share. We cannot fathom the idea of being separated from all other people for more than a few hours at a time.

What Jesus came to offer would last more than a few hours or even a day. Jesus came to offer a bread that would satisfy for eternity. How can bread satisfy for that long? This is a filling, wholesome, hearty bread that feeds our souls. This bread, Jesus himself, satisfies our soul's longings rather than a grumbling tummy.

The Israelites could not find something that would give them life beyond their alloted years. They ate the manna provided and still eventually died. We, too, eat and live for only a certain amount of time. Death is inevitable for us as well. The bread that Jesus offers feeds us for all of eternity, giving us life beyond these few mortal years.

Jesus uses images of bread and wine to connect with his hearers. They understood the importance of bread and wine in ceremonial meals and even in daily life. They understood, like we may, how important daily food is to those who are not sure how it will be provided. Jesus also understood how odd it would sound to be promised a food that would not make you hungry later or could keep you from dying.

This is the bread that Jesus provides, His own life – His body broken and His blood shed. His life for ours. Will we eat of this bread? Can we take up this offer? Nothing is more real than this.

For Janet

2011-05-06T00:00:00.000-04:00

So I only knew Janet for about 2 years. But as some of my friends will tell you, that's a long time in my book. I met Janet through Gary while he was attending classes with me through CCU at Indian Creek.

My first image of Janet was that of a diligent wife. She was always by Gary's side. She was supportive and ready with anything he may have needed. She always had healthy snacks packed for him, and extras for us. She sat quietly in our classrooms and occasionally offered her opinion or thoughts. That's when the magic happened.

When Janet opened her mouth the words that came out were beautiful. I wouldn't say that I would consider her quiet, but she never seemed obligated to talk. Her words were well crafted, always edifying and filled with so much love.

Janet was filled with love in everything she did. You could see the love dancing in her eyes like sparks flying as she talked about her kids, the church kids, the teens, her friends or almost anyone she met. She had learned to see with God's eyes. She saw each person as the part of God they had been created to be like. I could tell that with each new person she met her understanding of God became more complete.

Janet was such a good friend. I knew that no matter what idea was all of the sudden important to me, Janet would be willing to listen to me ramble on about it. She would talk with me about the things God was putting on my heart and share her heart with me as well.

I'm not sure why God called her home when He did. I know that a life like hers could never be fully finished. She would always have had more work she wanted to do, more people she wanted to love, more hugs she needed to share. But one thing I'm sure of is that she is now completely healed.

There's a picture on facebook of Janet next to a stone wall. There are these super determined flowers coming through the wall, blooming in their purple splendor. I commented for Gary that this was a perfect representation of Janet. She was a determined flower, pushing its way through the stone of life circumstances and hard hearts, to show God's full royal beauty to anyone willing to stop and see.

Thank you, Gary, for sharing Janet with us while you had her here. Thank you, God, for using Janet to inspire and motivate me to be a more loving person. And thank you, Janet for responding every day to the call of God on your life and loving completely.

My life will never be the same.

Giddy

2010-08-31T23:41:00.000-04:00

I spend my days in the land of teenage lust. I'm inundated with the sight of giddy hand-holding, stolen kisses and pregnant children.

I remember those days. I can still remember how excited I would get to find a note stuffed in my locker. I remember the smile that permeated my face when I saw "him" in the hall. And the feeling of his fingers slipping in between mine, the most tender embrace. The last hug before rushing off to class felt like the goodbye that would last for eternity.

But now I'm the disapproving teacher to be hidden from around the corner. Where has adolescent romance gone? Am I doomed by maturity to live a life of awkward dates, inconvenient courting and an emotionless marriage. To recall the Toys-R-Us song, "I don't want to grow up!"

In my current single status I lament the loss of innocence and lust. I have no one to hold hands with, no one to write notes filled x's and o's to, and no one to long for until the bell rings. Furthermore, as my biological clock is ever-ticking, I envy the growth of new life inside the swelled belly of these soon-to-be child/mothers.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am fairly pleased with life. Maturity that has come through age and life's trials has taught me about myself and what I want from a relationship. I know more now about entering into a life-long commitment. I know that when the time comes for me to bring forth life, I will be better prepared. For these things I am grateful.

For now I long and hope for the giddy, butterflies in the stomach feeling of new love. I trust that following God's plan for this will have its rewards. I hope that one of those rewards is someone who can make me feel like a giddy schoolgirl when he holds my hand and kisses me on the cheek. Maybe I'll even get a "check yes or no" note again someday.

My unique beauty

2010-04-20T16:16:00.002-04:00

Let it be known that I don't wear make-up, paint my nails or dye my hair. I choose this, not because I don't want to be pretty, but because I want a beauty that is not purchased.
My skin is nearly flawless because of good nutrition and plenty of natural sun. I have and will develop lines and wrinkles, signifying my joy and laughter rather than pain. Why should I try to cover my joy?
Rather than being covered by expensive jewelery or unnatural colors, my hands are strong, capable and ready for whatever work may be required. My hair is lightened by the sun, curly and wild by Divine design. It contains strands who's color and texture signify the struggles I've been through and whose length signifies my ability to survive.
Maybe my naturality makes me a tom-boy, but I've never known a tom-boy to own pink and lace by choice.
I realize that all of this may not make me the epitome of beauty. As the lines of a song I used to sing for church remind me, "I may not be every woman's dream for her little girl. My face may not grace the minds of everyone in the world." (Amy Grant, Father's Eyes) The song continues and tells of a beauty found in the eyes of the Father and hopefully in mine as well.
This is me. I am the strong, capable, loving woman I was created to be. My scars, lines, sags and grey hairs make it known that I am alive.

A Public Loneliness

2009-12-31T09:04:00.000-05:00

As you probably have noticed if you've known me much at all, I'm an extrovert. Just to clear up confusion, being an extrovert means that I pull energy from other people. An extrovert is not necessarily a people person or extremely outgoing, although I am both. Introversion, conversely, means that you derive energy from being alone. (I would suggest finding a Myers Briggs personality profile if you've never done one. It's a great way to learn a little more about the reason you act and react in certain ways.)

My extroversion is fairly strong. If I go very long without being around people I just can't stay awake. I used to work in a cubicle, which many of you likely remember. This was torture for me because I did nothing but sit alone and wait for the phone to ring. While the conditions of the work environment were fairly good I felt like I was being punished for some wrong that I didn't know I had done. No amount of pay can make up for this kind of ill-fitting work environment.

I've recently been quite aware of a loneliness to which I am prone. I have spent the last week at Urbana 09 with 16,000+ people. I've been in very large crowds and yet somehow have felt completely alone. While sitting next to my dear friend, Brea, one night I turned to her and said, “I need to have an exciting conversation with someone I barely know.” She laughed a little but knew exactly what I was talking about. You would think that being surrounded by 16,000+ people would be enough to keep any extrovert awake for days, but it simply wasn't enough. I realized that it wasn't just that I needed to be around people but that I needed to connect. I suddenly understood the connection this had with dating. My desire to date and flirt is a product of this public loneliness.

So I've now identified the issue. Beyond just presence with others, I need a connection with another in order to feel satisfied. Once again, it seems like it would be an easy thing to find among Christians, but it may be that Christians are harder to connect with that non-Christians. (I'll go more into this at a later date.) I'm really not sure why this is true sometimes and not other times, but it appears to be a reality. There are definitely times in my life when just being near someone satisfies my extroversion.

Once one has identified an issue the next logical step is to find a solution. (Many of you know my preference for being logical and have most likely chuckled a bit at this statement. Now that you have returned, I'll continue...) My problem has now become apparent. I have no clue what the solution is to this one. Obviously the ideal solution is to find someone with whom to have a conversation. Easier said than done my friends, as I'm sure you are aware. I know people who have no problems striking up conversation with anyone and everyone (anybody just get an image of Peter Gill in their heads? Yeah, me too.) While I'm definitely not ashamed to have conversations with strangers my fear of rejection hinders me. I don't want to impose myself on people who likely have much more important things to do that talk to me.

Your turn. Please share with me your experiences and suggestions. This is a concept you may see repeated in this blog as I continue to understand myself and my relationship to others.

Urbana 09

2009-12-30T22:47:00.003-05:00

Urbana 09 has, thus far, been a unique experience. I was a delegate at Urbana 03, the last one in Champaign, IL. At this Urbana I am a steward working with the Intervarsity Press Accounting team. I basically have been sitting in a guarded room counting the money from the bookstore sales. I'm glad to have the opportunity to serve such an amazing convention, but somewhat sad to not have the experience I know the students are having.

Urbana is a life-changing week of challenging speakers and stretching seminars. The students (delegates) go to manuscripts studies in the morning, Bible exposition late morning, seminars early afternoon, and plenary sessions in the evenings. In the midst of all this they are in family groups to discuss their experiences and have conversations with peers and staff who care about their growth during the week. There are also hundreds of missionary organizations and schools with booths available to help the students explore the possibilities. Truly an amazing experience.

My wonderful friend, Brea, has accompanied me this week to work along side me counting money. I've learned that she has an awesome speed to count money. Apart from counting loads of cash, I've been blessed with the opportunity to meet the wonderful people of Avant Ministries, the mission organization through which Brea will be sent to Italy next summer. These people have a passion for God and short-cycle church planting around the world. They have been good counsel, hearty laughs and wonderful encouragement. They have also brought some very full stomachs. Sunday night we had an Afghan meal and tonight we had Mediterranean.

The Scripture focus for this week has been John 1-4 with the catch phrase coming from the first chapter, "The Word became flesh." They have talked about the ways that Jesus has moved into our neighborhoods and what it means for us to serve incarnationally. Monday morning we studied the story of Jesus meeting Nathanael and reminding him that He has known him before this time.

My faith has seemed very dry for the past few months. Even when I have attempted to meet with God I have felt that He has been purposefully silent. I have struggled with questions that have shaken my faith and have at times worried that my questions would effect my salvation. I have been reminded by wonderful friends that God is not intimidated by my fears and concerns and that He is present even through the droughts.

My prayer Monday night was that God would acknowledge and remind me that he has seen me and known me. I chose to sit under the "fig tree" by coming to Urbana and attempting to meet with God. God was gracious to answer my prayer. Through a variety of amazing conversations my passion has been restored. (More on this in the next post.) While my questions remain and my soul still feels dry, I know that God is present in my quest and has been near.

Thanks be to God.

Faith Traditions

2009-08-26T08:25:00.002-04:00

I've been in church for my whole life. My dad was a pastor when I was young and I've been serving various ministries forever. My faith is a very important part of my life. But as any faith should it challenges me on a regular basis. I made a decision in college that I wouldn't live my parent's religion or buy into anyone's specific tradition. I know that I am unique and therefore my faith traditions and needs will be unique.

I've been in a variety of different kinds of churches over the years and for the most part my non-denominational roots have been the most satisfying long term. But at some points in my life they have not been. Like now.

I'm reading a book called "Sacred Rhythms" which talks about the fact that as our lives have a rhythm, so must our spiritual practices. We must be willing to change our habits and disciplines as our lives change, constantly searching for the best ways to know and understand God.

One of the things that has always grown me the most is hearing other people's stories of faith. It awakens my heart to the many ways God works in the lives and souls of different kinds of people. I love that my God is big enough to be so personal.

So here's what I need from you, my reader. Please tell me your story. Email me or call me or ask me out for tea. I'd love to hear it. Really. I need to hear it. How did you decide on your faith tradition? How have you chosen the spiritual practices that are a part of your life?

Thank you to Dr. Talbert and Ryan D. for helping me take hold of this search. I appreciate your input.

"When God Interrupts" by M. Craig Barnes

2009-03-10T16:01:00.003-04:00

This was a fantastic book! I'm sure there will be at least one more post from this book. Here are some of my favorite lines:

*Saints aren't born. They are made along the way. p. 16

*We are invited to witness what Episcopal priest Alan Jones has called the "unfinishedness of human existence." p. 16

*We will probably spend most of life with family, friends, good health, and good work. But they are not ours by rights. They are not promised to us. We may have to give them back to God at any moment. Someday we will give back. The trick is to learn how to do that before they leave us. That allows us to spend the rest of our lives enjoying them as the temporary gifts that they are.

*Abandonment has become a permanent social dynamic that is feeding off itself. As children of broken homes grow older, they find it difficult to trust commitments and frequently sabotage them out of fear. Some never get close enough to be hurt. Others just make sure they always leave first. p. 19

*In the future we will need to maintain faith in God in the midst of serious doubts that anything is certain. p. 21

*If Christian vocation is about what you are called to do, Christian conversion is about what you are called to be. p. 23

*But the main reason we don't want to go to the place Christ would call us is that we know that we will have to abandon our most cherished images of who we are. p. 23

*Nothing is ever wasted when God converts us. What we want changed is what God wants to transform into something useful. He will use our past hurts, our long detours in the wrong direction, our old gifts and skills. He will use all that religious stuff we've learned, and all those memory verses. p. 35

*They ponder. They get perplexed. The thin veneer of the ordinary has been scratched. p. 40

*These interruptions proclaim that life is not what we hoped for. It isn't even what we had settled for. God has interrupted our ordinary expectations, as cherished as they were, to conceive something. We can't manage it. We can't even understand it. All we can do is receive it. Because if God has conceived this thing, then it is holy, and it will save our lives. p. 41

*But we do know that no interruptions, be it tragic or delightful, is greater than our God. p. 42

*So we gather at church, young and old alike. Some of us Mary. Some of us Elizabeth. But our common terrifying realization, that life is not what we had thought, binds us together in a unified confession that God is mysteriously at work. And in that confession, hope is conceived. p. 42

*Conversion always occurs en route that places we do not wish to go. We can get there only if we have abandoned hope of returning to the place where we would rather be. p. 44

*When Christians really believe they need a savior, they are not as tempted to try to be the saviour for others. p. 51

*But making a difference is not the point. Giving love away is the point, and we can only do that if we have fallen in love with the grace of our own saviour. p. 52

*The challenge to people of faith is to learn how to follow. Central to that task is giving up the expectation of knowing where we are going.

*It is possible to get so lost in the success of our choices that we assume success means our choices were right. But typically, success is just one more reason we need a savior. p. 67

*Jesus, the coming Judge, chose to descend in to the ambiguities of compromised, complicated, and conflicted lives. p. 69

*We killed Jesus, not because he claimed to be the Messiah but because he became like us. This is a blasphemy against our greatest hopes for what a messiah will do. p. 69

*There is no better way to lose your life than to constantly measure it. p. 71

*Christianity isn't something we get good at. If the goal is to receive the love of God, then the only way to progress in the faith is to confess how lost we have become. p. 73

*Failure is refusing to risk what will happen if we follow Jesus. p. 74

*Faith means betting our lives on the grace of God. p. 75

*a calling to love our God, who saves us from the things we do to make us worthy of a love that can only be received. p. 80

*Jesus is the savior who encounters us in the midst of our futile plans for making life better. p. 90

*The Healer is with us, and he is with this world that is running out of plans.

*Every abandonment is the invitation ot strive with God. p. 100

*As we struggle to understand and fearfully take God on, the promise is that we too will see his force. He does not give us the things we want. he does not give us explanations. he just gives us himself. In the church we call that discovery worship. And that, we believe, is the purpose of life. p. 100

*If the church limits its ministry to holding up the "ideal family," it will miss its great opportunity to participate in God's conversion of those who long ago were abandoned by their ideals.

*But if we focus too narrowly on the dream we thought the savior would give us, then it is the dream that has become the savior, not Jesus. p. 116

*The deep fear lying behind every loss is that we have been abandoned by the God who should have saved us. The transforming moment in Christian conversion comes when we realize that even God has left us. We then discover it was not God, but our image of God, that abandoned us. This frees us to discover more of the mystery of God than we knew. Only then is change possible. p. 123

*He loves us too much to let our health, marriage or work become the savior of our lives. p. 124

*To receive Jesus as Savior means recognizing him asouronly help. p. 124

*Faith is what binds us to Christ when everything is gone, including our most cherished expectations of him. p. 126

*Once we discover that God has joined our tears and can be moved with compassion, the world becomes a very unpredictable place. p. 127

*It is not until we tire of the things we can do for ourselves in the Christian life that we will open ourselves to real conversion, which can be accomplished only by God. p. 130

*The best way to strengthen faith is not to scrutinize it, but to look at the One in whom we are trusting. p. 132

*I also get to watch how faith develops as a response to the silence of God. p. 135

*It was the search for the sacred that drove Tom away for the too-well-rehearsed answers that had been so much a part of his Christian background. He craved a relationship to something truly sacred, but all he had was a stale orthodoxy. If belief is nothing more than the right answers, it is not belief in God but in a religious system. p. 136

*Like the prodigal son, doubters don't come back to the Father's house because they have figured things out. p. 136

*Whenever we domesticate the mysterious into something familiar, it abandons us. p. 139

*If we are to find God, it will only be as a result of his finding us. God will have to join in our abandonment. p. 140

*Easter can't have an ending. it is not about what is finished but about what has just begun - a future that is so mysterious only God could write it. p. 143

*On the other side of abandonment, all of life becomes an expression of gratitude. The journey through loss was long and filled with pain. It cost us our lives. At the bottom of the abandonment, the only thing that was left was the love of God. But to be alone with the love of God is the only way to find life again. p. 144

*Either we believe life is something that must be achieved, or we believe life is something that can only be received. Once we start seeing this choice in the Bible, we find it on almost every page. p. 145

*But the truth is that the diseases of life have left us alliwth crippled relationships,crippled dreams and crippled health. By the time we make it to Jesus, all that is left is our rather common need for mercy. p. 149

*Our mission of service to God can never, never begin by thinking we have something to offer. p. 150

*If the first lesson on mission is to turn toward our suffering, the second is to then turn back to Jesus Christ in thanksgiving. p. 150

*Mission is simply what we find irresistible to do when we believe God loves us. p. 150

*As we make our way through the many abandonments of life and discover the new life that God is continuing to create, we realize that this new life does not look totally strange to us. What it looks like is a purer form of ourselves. It is the self we were created to be from the beginning. It is the restoration of the image of God in our lives. p. 157

*The saving work of Jesus Christ is that he finds us after we have lost our way trying to become something other than we are. p. 157

*However, if our starting place for mission is joyful gratitude for what God has done and is doing and is going to do, we are less likely to take over as anxious substitutes for the Creator. p. 158

*There is nothing as joyful as witnessing the salvation of the Lord. p. 158

quotes

2009-01-18T23:25:00.002-05:00

“If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes.” - Corrie Ten Boom

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss

Writing

2009-01-17T03:16:00.005-05:00

I've never thought of myself as a writer. Can't quite get my mind around the idea that I enjoy writing, but I honestly do. I enjoy watching my ideas take shape on the page. When I'm writing my hand, I love the feeling of the paper on the side ofmy hadn. I can' t stand a pen that doesn't write well or ink that doesn't contrast wit thepage. My words deserve more than that. They deserve the weight of good ink. When I'm typing I lose myself in the somewhat rythmic sound of clicking keys.

My biggest problem when writing is critiquiing my work. If I go back and read it at all I know I'll want to delete or scratch out half of it. I immediately start feeling unworhty of the space. Of course no one will care about what I've written. I'm just a kid with nothing important to say.

I guess most of my desire to write comes from a fear of being forgotten. I'm afraid that if I don't leave someting for them to find, they may just forget I existed. I realize this is a bit unreasonable. People do care about me and will remember me. I remember them. I remember those I shared part of my life with. I'm not really sure i would want people to remember me by what I've written. Most of it eludes to the paoin and yuckiness I've been through. Almost never am I writing out of the simple contentment that rules my daily life. Yep, still breathing. Ahh, a cool breeze. Warm sun on my face through the car window. The dog's fur seems softer than usual. In general I am content. But that' snot what makes it to the page.

All of this makes me hesitant to write. I'm afraid that I'm writing just for some kind of recognition. I realize that recognition as a basis for anything is a set up for disaster. I'm just begging to be let down. No one can be expected to acknowldege me enough to satisfy my selfish nature.

I've found that silence inspires my creativity. As an extrovert,I thrive on communication. Being with others gives me power and vitality. SOmehow this seems to stifle my creativity & writing ability. In order to quiet myself enough to get out all the stuff in my head I have to stop talking. To really be heard, I have to be quiet. Unfortunately, I'm not quiet very often.

My favorite place

2009-01-17T02:50:00.002-05:00

There is this place in the center of a man's chest. When your head is just below his collar bone and above his stomach. It is somehow firm and soft at the same time. Its close to his heart and in the middle of his arms.

This is the place one can feel the most safe. But it's more than just safety.

Safety is what you feel when you find this place on your dad or big brother. Its the place your dad holds you to when you've skinned your knee or your friends have been mean to you. If you're lucky that is...

Protection is what you feel when you find this place on another man, boyfriend, lover, fantastic friend. Its the place you get to be when you can't be anywhere else. When all there is left to do is be held, it's where you go.

This is the kind of place that requires no response. You don't even have to hug him back when he holds you there. This is the place you can just go limp from the exhaustion. You can just be held there, listening to his heart beat, knowing that he would love to fix every single thing in the world that hurts you. You can know that he wants to protect you and keep you safe from harm.

This is a place of commitment. Without words he is promising that you will always have that spot. Even when no where else in your life is secure, you'll have that place.

Lucky for me, you can find this spot in just about all me. The good ones at least. If you're not getting it from a dad, you can find it in a brother. If you're not getting it from a lover, you might find it in a friend.

I'm glad to have found the spot.

Cardboard Testimonies

2008-07-10T10:46:00.000-04:00

Openness and Brokenness

2008-06-12T01:16:00.002-04:00

I was really moved by THIS blog today. It's about the threshing floor. Written by a woman who says that her family is in the middle of a winnowing, I was really touched by her honesty and openness about the pain. I was also very inspired by her response to the pain.

Going through the divorce has taught me so many things. Right now, I feel like God is teaching me the importance of community. The Bible talks a lot about "one other" and what we are supposed to do in those relationships. "Love one another" "Care for one another" "bear with one another" "be kind and compassionate to one another" The list could go on for quite some time. The New Testament, especially, is full of these commands. Evidently community was pretty important back then.

One of the biggest blessings I've had since the divorce is my DivorceCare group. This has been a place of so much healing. DivorceCare is a 13 weeks study. Each session begins with a video that talks about the topic for the week. After the video and a short break, the group divides into smaller groups for discussion. Facilitated by a veteran DivorceCare leader, we talk mainly about the topic for the evening and in general get to know one another. During the week there is homework to do in the workbook.

Our 13 weeks ended just before the summer and we decided to continue meeting. We still meet at the same time, in the same location, but now we don't have a video and just have one of our members as a "leader." This group has really started opening up to one another. We have been brutally honest with each other. We are able to share our stuff and really bear one another's burdens. It has been such a blessing to be with other people going through the same stuff. Each person has a unique story with unique heartache, but we have common pain.

I am really feeling God telling me that this is what He intended for us. He wanted us to be in this kind of honest community with each other.

I think that we are near one other quite a bit, without being a part of one another. We go to church but never investigate people's lives. We go to Bible study but we never go into the struggles we share. We get to know one another but are never truly known.

After sharing honestly about my loneliness one night at DivorceCare, one of the other members told me that she was shocked that I was dealing with that kind of pain. She acknowledged feeling the same kind of loneliness, but was surprised because I always seem so bubbly and happy. I told her, "I'm really good at putting on masks." I've always worn masks. I find that they are much easier that showing the real self. Most people don't really care for the real self. They want the Reader's Digest version. Just give me the highlights.

In my group we are working really hard to allow people to stay in their brokeness, rather than trying to fix it with cliches. We decided that rather than trying to tell people that everything would be okay, we would just let them express their emotions. We try to let people work through the things they are dealing with rather than stopping them just because we feel uncomfortable. I think that this is possible because we are all feeling the same kind of pain. We aren't uncomfortable with someone else's pain because it's the same pain we are feeling.

It reminds me a bit of Job's friends. Job 2:13 "Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No on said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was." What a beautiful picture of grief sharing. The just sat with him. Not saying a word. This is not a perfect example because when they did open their mouths, their feet got stuck inside.

I hope that we can continue to strive for honest, real relationship with one another. It's time to open up and stop pretending that we don't hurt. We are to bear one another's burdens as our own. It's time for us to shut our mouths and sit in grief with our friends.

Pictures of the flood

2008-06-07T22:05:00.002-04:00

Check out this photo album to see the flood.

Hundred Year Flood

2008-06-07T21:34:00.002-04:00

Today I survived an historical event. The city of Franklin was flooded worse than it has flooded in over 100 years. The rain started last night and didn't stop until late this morning. The waters rose and kept rising. I went outside for the first time at about 11AM to find that Jefferson St through downtown Franklin was flooded about a block from my house. A little later, about 1PM, I walked down Edwards St to find that it was starting to flood.

It was definately an interesting daay. I watched neighbors helping neighbors. I watched peoples lives being swept away by rising water. I watched a scene I never thought I'd see.

If you watched the news at all today I'm sure that you saw it. They said it reminded them of the scenes after Hurricane Katrina.

I was very lucky. The waters crested about a half block from my house in 2 directions. Johnson county was placed under a state of emergency. People were instructed to stay in their homes. People had to be rescued by canoe and some refused to leave.

Later in the evening my family came into town. They had to take my sister's friend home who spent the night with them last night. They picked me up and took me to dinner for my birthday.
(Side note: They took me to Mi Pueblo, my favorite Mexican restaurant. They sang some kind of Spanish Happy Birthday song to me and smashed whipped cream in my face. Quite fun. Great meal!)

When they were trying to take me home the police stopped us and said they weren't allowed to let anyone in. They finally gave in when we told them that my road was clear and that I had to get home. My neighbors told me that earlier in the day they were checking IDs to be sure that only people who lived here could get in.

Pretty crazy day, but I made it through. I'm sure the clean up will be a long process. Please pray for these people as they get their homes and lives back. Some had flood insurance, others didn't. Those who did face steep deductibles before they can start receiving money. It will be a long road. Thanks for your concern!

Be Magnified

2008-06-02T23:32:00.002-04:00

Verses 1
I have made You
Too small in my eyes
O Lord forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me

Pre Chorus
But now O Lord I see my wrong
Heal my heart
And show Yourself strong
And in my eyes with my song
O Lord be magnified
O Lord be magnified

Chorus
Be magnified O Lord
You are highly exalted
And there's nothing
You can't do
O Lord my eyes are on You
Be magnified
O Lord be magnified

Verses 2
I have leaned on
The wisdom of men
O Lord forgive me
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy

If Life weren't in the way...

2008-06-02T01:27:00.002-04:00

One more Jeff challenge. What would it look like if life weren't in the way? What do I look like there? What do I need to do to be ready for that?

Ultimately, I know that I'm not living up to my potential. I know that there is more for me. (At least I darn well hope there is.) I know that the things I've been through have prepared me for more than scraping by in a big empty house staring at my dog. Through all of the pains in my life, and there have been plenty, I have felt secure knowing that God was preparing me for something greater. As I was going through the divorce I felt confident that God was telling me that He was gathering my tears, not only to was me, but others. I'm willing to cry if it means someone else doesn't have to.

So the question now is, what's next? If there's something more than this, how do I get to it? What does it look like? How will I know when I've gotten there? Good questions are the beginning of knowledge. Are these questions good enough?

I know that I am striving for real relationships. I've been experiencing them occasionally. When I feel it I start to get a silly little grin on my face because I feel so loved. I'm finding that this is the longing of most people in my age range. We want to be known. We want to talk about important things. We want to be challenged by the same people we laugh with. We love to be challenged by pastors and teachers, but we want to be challenged in real life. We want to think big things and say crazy things. We want a place where we are comfortable saying what's on our hearts. We want a place where taking prayer requests is more than talking about someone's great aunt twice removed with the sore toe. I'm a very relational person. More so than others. I've got to be in community to feel healthy.

I know that I love walking beside people who are changing. I love being with college kids when they hear a professor say something outrageous. I love being there when their roommate lets them down again. I love being there when they have just seen "her" at a party. Gasp. I love saying the things that make them squirm. I love being a wave of change in a sea of mediocrity. I miss this.

I know that I want to be used. It was prophecied over me when I was younger that my hands would be large for the work of the Lord. I still have no clue what that means, but I'd like to know. I want to be available. I want to be ready. I want to be bold.

So what will it take to get me ready for these things? How will I know when I'm there? What's the next step?

I haven't a clue.

God Rumblings

2008-06-02T01:03:00.002-04:00

It's late. I've got to get up and go to work tomorrow, but I'm still up. Discontent with the way things are and completely unable to change them. Okay, that's a lie. I can change some of it and I can change the way I perceive the rest of it. I'm currently choosing not to change, which according to Jeff is simply unacceptable. At least I'm acknowledging that there is change to be made. I'm on the continuum. (Jeff's favorite phrase.)

Today was the last Sunday morning that I would have to be at church for 4+ hours. I just finished a class called "Foundations Survey" led by Jeff Derico (the aforementioned Jeff). Basically the class was on Spiritual Disciplines. Each week we were given homework for the following week, and discussed our success or failure with the previous week's homework. So I took the class to meet some other people in the church. Being that our church is 4000 people on any given Sunday, I felt that I should know more than the hundred or so that I might chance to encounter. I figured the class would be a good way to be involved with people in different stages of their walk with Christ. I was also drawn to the class because the advertisement promised that I would come out of it with a Spiritual Growth Plan. (And yes, I do have a "bizarre relationship with CAPITALIZATION") The first goal didn't work so hot, but the second did. I was challenged to re-evaluate my spiritual disciplines and made some progress in making them a part of my life.

This has always been an area of struggle for me. I tend to value myself based on achievements anyway, but then churches add on the "expectation" of spiritual discipline. I've always had trouble admitting that I don't have a regular quiet time and don't pray and read the Bible as often as my Sunday School teachers wanted me to. I've always thought that I could "do" Christianity fairly well. But I never really did anything. I just talked a big game.

So once again I was confronted with wanting to do Christianity well. But I was finally able to see past the motivation of making someone happy and know, for sure, that I need to make these things a part of my life so that I can know God better. (Today I learned that I need to work on my relationship with Jesus. Turns out I don't know Him very well.) It was freeing. I was scared to start doing things again for fear of falling back into my routine of doing rather than being and being loved. But I was able to make progress and find some real growth.

But now the class is over. Next Sunday I won't have Jeff reading my expressions all too well. Knowing that my head tilt means that I wasn't successful. I'm not really sure how he does it, but he's usually right. A furrowed brow and he knows 2 pages worth of what that means inside my head. Quite scary. He won't be doing that next Sunday. I'm on my own. The motivation has to come completely from me now. Again, I'm scared. What happens when I don't do well and these things start falling away again? I guess that's where the discipline part comes in.

Next Sunday I go back to 9:30 service and 11:00 class. I'm kind of excited to be able to sleep a little latter on Sunday morning. But I'm also sad to lose this class. It's been very helpful. I would suggest it to anyone, at any stage in their personal growth. Because the goal is to be moving, but first you have to be on the continuum.

Sweetyly Broken

2008-05-04T00:13:00.000-04:00

Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
From the album Sweetly Broken

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Chorus:

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

(2x’s)Chorus:

Label: Vineyard Music

O for grace to trust Him more!

2008-04-27T17:12:00.000-04:00

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Refrain
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Refrain

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

Refrain

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Refrain

2008-03-23T10:01:00.000-04:00

Jesus, I my cross have taken, all to leave and follow Thee.
Destitute, despised, forsaken, Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition, all I’ve sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition! God and heaven are still mine own.

Let the world despise and leave me, they have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me; Thou art not, like them, untrue.
And while Thou shalt smile upon me, God of wisdom, love and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me, show Thy face and all is bright.

Go, then, earthly fame and treasure! Come, disaster, scorn and pain!
In Thy service, pain is pleasure; with Thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called Thee, "Abba, Father"; I have set my heart on Thee:
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather, all must work for good to me.

Man may trouble and distress me, ’twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me; heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, ’tis not in grief to harm me while Thy love is left to me;
Oh, ’twere not in joy to charm me, were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Take, my soul, thy full salvation; rise o’er sin, and fear, and care;
Joy to find in every station something still to do or bear:
Think what Spirit dwells within thee; what a Father’s smile is thine;
What a Savior died to win thee, child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?

Haste then on from grace to glory, armed by faith, and winged by prayer,
Heaven’s eternal day’s before thee, God’s own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission, swift shall pass thy pilgrim days;
Hope soon change to glad fruition, faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

Words:Henry F. Lyte, 1824, revised 1833

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T09:54:00.000-04:00

I was listening to the radio tonight and heard this song. I have heard it lots of times before, but today it hit me in a completely different way. This song really speaks to the Easter holiday. Our world is in a very dark place. Similar to the darkness the world experienced when Christ was crucified. Darkness that consumed the earth. The sun was darkened. For three days the earth mourned. The followers of Jesus were mourning the death of the one they thought had come to bring a new kingdom. They mourned the hope they had held on to. They mourned the death of a friend. Hope seemed lost.
And then came Sunday! Jesus conquered death. He broke the seal of his tomb, rolled away the stone, and walked among us. HE AROSE! Hope returned. He came back to life to bring healing and restoration.
Jesus is the Resurrection Hope! Happy Easter!
Tree63 – SundayFrom the album – Sunday
Nothing’s sacred, the days are cheap
Truth is thin on the ground
Still our prophets are crucified
Nobody believes we’re stumbling
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming

Someone’s saying a prayer tonight
For hungry mouths to be filled
Someone kneels in the dark somewhere
And darkness is already crumbling
It’s Friday, but Sunday comes

(Chorus)
Sunday – Hallelujah – it’s not so far, it’s not so far away
Sunday – Hallelujah – it’s not so far, it’s not so far away

Broken promises, weary hearts
But one promise remains:
Crucified, he will come again
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming
It’s Friday, but Sunday comes

(Chorus)

Darkness is already crumbling
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming

(Chorus)