“If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes.” - Corrie Ten Boom
“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Writing
I've never thought of myself as a writer. Can't quite get my mind around the idea that I enjoy writing, but I honestly do. I enjoy watching my ideas take shape on the page. When I'm writing my hand, I love the feeling of the paper on the side ofmy hadn. I can' t stand a pen that doesn't write well or ink that doesn't contrast wit thepage. My words deserve more than that. They deserve the weight of good ink. When I'm typing I lose myself in the somewhat rythmic sound of clicking keys.
My biggest problem when writing is critiquiing my work. If I go back and read it at all I know I'll want to delete or scratch out half of it. I immediately start feeling unworhty of the space. Of course no one will care about what I've written. I'm just a kid with nothing important to say.
I guess most of my desire to write comes from a fear of being forgotten. I'm afraid that if I don't leave someting for them to find, they may just forget I existed. I realize this is a bit unreasonable. People do care about me and will remember me. I remember them. I remember those I shared part of my life with. I'm not really sure i would want people to remember me by what I've written. Most of it eludes to the paoin and yuckiness I've been through. Almost never am I writing out of the simple contentment that rules my daily life. Yep, still breathing. Ahh, a cool breeze. Warm sun on my face through the car window. The dog's fur seems softer than usual. In general I am content. But that' snot what makes it to the page.
All of this makes me hesitant to write. I'm afraid that I'm writing just for some kind of recognition. I realize that recognition as a basis for anything is a set up for disaster. I'm just begging to be let down. No one can be expected to acknowldege me enough to satisfy my selfish nature.
I've found that silence inspires my creativity. As an extrovert,I thrive on communication. Being with others gives me power and vitality. SOmehow this seems to stifle my creativity & writing ability. In order to quiet myself enough to get out all the stuff in my head I have to stop talking. To really be heard, I have to be quiet. Unfortunately, I'm not quiet very often.
My biggest problem when writing is critiquiing my work. If I go back and read it at all I know I'll want to delete or scratch out half of it. I immediately start feeling unworhty of the space. Of course no one will care about what I've written. I'm just a kid with nothing important to say.
I guess most of my desire to write comes from a fear of being forgotten. I'm afraid that if I don't leave someting for them to find, they may just forget I existed. I realize this is a bit unreasonable. People do care about me and will remember me. I remember them. I remember those I shared part of my life with. I'm not really sure i would want people to remember me by what I've written. Most of it eludes to the paoin and yuckiness I've been through. Almost never am I writing out of the simple contentment that rules my daily life. Yep, still breathing. Ahh, a cool breeze. Warm sun on my face through the car window. The dog's fur seems softer than usual. In general I am content. But that' snot what makes it to the page.
All of this makes me hesitant to write. I'm afraid that I'm writing just for some kind of recognition. I realize that recognition as a basis for anything is a set up for disaster. I'm just begging to be let down. No one can be expected to acknowldege me enough to satisfy my selfish nature.
I've found that silence inspires my creativity. As an extrovert,I thrive on communication. Being with others gives me power and vitality. SOmehow this seems to stifle my creativity & writing ability. In order to quiet myself enough to get out all the stuff in my head I have to stop talking. To really be heard, I have to be quiet. Unfortunately, I'm not quiet very often.
My favorite place
There is this place in the center of a man's chest. When your head is just below his collar bone and above his stomach. It is somehow firm and soft at the same time. Its close to his heart and in the middle of his arms.
This is the place one can feel the most safe. But it's more than just safety.
Safety is what you feel when you find this place on your dad or big brother. Its the place your dad holds you to when you've skinned your knee or your friends have been mean to you. If you're lucky that is...
Protection is what you feel when you find this place on another man, boyfriend, lover, fantastic friend. Its the place you get to be when you can't be anywhere else. When all there is left to do is be held, it's where you go.
This is the kind of place that requires no response. You don't even have to hug him back when he holds you there. This is the place you can just go limp from the exhaustion. You can just be held there, listening to his heart beat, knowing that he would love to fix every single thing in the world that hurts you. You can know that he wants to protect you and keep you safe from harm.
This is a place of commitment. Without words he is promising that you will always have that spot. Even when no where else in your life is secure, you'll have that place.
Lucky for me, you can find this spot in just about all me. The good ones at least. If you're not getting it from a dad, you can find it in a brother. If you're not getting it from a lover, you might find it in a friend.
I'm glad to have found the spot.
This is the place one can feel the most safe. But it's more than just safety.
Safety is what you feel when you find this place on your dad or big brother. Its the place your dad holds you to when you've skinned your knee or your friends have been mean to you. If you're lucky that is...
Protection is what you feel when you find this place on another man, boyfriend, lover, fantastic friend. Its the place you get to be when you can't be anywhere else. When all there is left to do is be held, it's where you go.
This is the kind of place that requires no response. You don't even have to hug him back when he holds you there. This is the place you can just go limp from the exhaustion. You can just be held there, listening to his heart beat, knowing that he would love to fix every single thing in the world that hurts you. You can know that he wants to protect you and keep you safe from harm.
This is a place of commitment. Without words he is promising that you will always have that spot. Even when no where else in your life is secure, you'll have that place.
Lucky for me, you can find this spot in just about all me. The good ones at least. If you're not getting it from a dad, you can find it in a brother. If you're not getting it from a lover, you might find it in a friend.
I'm glad to have found the spot.
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