If Life weren't in the way...

One more Jeff challenge. What would it look like if life weren't in the way? What do I look like there? What do I need to do to be ready for that?

Ultimately, I know that I'm not living up to my potential. I know that there is more for me. (At least I darn well hope there is.) I know that the things I've been through have prepared me for more than scraping by in a big empty house staring at my dog. Through all of the pains in my life, and there have been plenty, I have felt secure knowing that God was preparing me for something greater. As I was going through the divorce I felt confident that God was telling me that He was gathering my tears, not only to was me, but others. I'm willing to cry if it means someone else doesn't have to.

So the question now is, what's next? If there's something more than this, how do I get to it? What does it look like? How will I know when I've gotten there? Good questions are the beginning of knowledge. Are these questions good enough?

I know that I am striving for real relationships. I've been experiencing them occasionally. When I feel it I start to get a silly little grin on my face because I feel so loved. I'm finding that this is the longing of most people in my age range. We want to be known. We want to talk about important things. We want to be challenged by the same people we laugh with. We love to be challenged by pastors and teachers, but we want to be challenged in real life. We want to think big things and say crazy things. We want a place where we are comfortable saying what's on our hearts. We want a place where taking prayer requests is more than talking about someone's great aunt twice removed with the sore toe. I'm a very relational person. More so than others. I've got to be in community to feel healthy.

I know that I love walking beside people who are changing. I love being with college kids when they hear a professor say something outrageous. I love being there when their roommate lets them down again. I love being there when they have just seen "her" at a party. Gasp. I love saying the things that make them squirm. I love being a wave of change in a sea of mediocrity. I miss this.

I know that I want to be used. It was prophecied over me when I was younger that my hands would be large for the work of the Lord. I still have no clue what that means, but I'd like to know. I want to be available. I want to be ready. I want to be bold.

So what will it take to get me ready for these things? How will I know when I'm there? What's the next step?

I haven't a clue.