Openness and Brokenness

I was really moved by THIS blog today. It's about the threshing floor. Written by a woman who says that her family is in the middle of a winnowing, I was really touched by her honesty and openness about the pain. I was also very inspired by her response to the pain.

Going through the divorce has taught me so many things. Right now, I feel like God is teaching me the importance of community. The Bible talks a lot about "one other" and what we are supposed to do in those relationships. "Love one another" "Care for one another" "bear with one another" "be kind and compassionate to one another" The list could go on for quite some time. The New Testament, especially, is full of these commands. Evidently community was pretty important back then.

One of the biggest blessings I've had since the divorce is my DivorceCare group. This has been a place of so much healing. DivorceCare is a 13 weeks study. Each session begins with a video that talks about the topic for the week. After the video and a short break, the group divides into smaller groups for discussion. Facilitated by a veteran DivorceCare leader, we talk mainly about the topic for the evening and in general get to know one another. During the week there is homework to do in the workbook.

Our 13 weeks ended just before the summer and we decided to continue meeting. We still meet at the same time, in the same location, but now we don't have a video and just have one of our members as a "leader." This group has really started opening up to one another. We have been brutally honest with each other. We are able to share our stuff and really bear one another's burdens. It has been such a blessing to be with other people going through the same stuff. Each person has a unique story with unique heartache, but we have common pain.

I am really feeling God telling me that this is what He intended for us. He wanted us to be in this kind of honest community with each other.

I think that we are near one other quite a bit, without being a part of one another. We go to church but never investigate people's lives. We go to Bible study but we never go into the struggles we share. We get to know one another but are never truly known.

After sharing honestly about my loneliness one night at DivorceCare, one of the other members told me that she was shocked that I was dealing with that kind of pain. She acknowledged feeling the same kind of loneliness, but was surprised because I always seem so bubbly and happy. I told her, "I'm really good at putting on masks." I've always worn masks. I find that they are much easier that showing the real self. Most people don't really care for the real self. They want the Reader's Digest version. Just give me the highlights.

In my group we are working really hard to allow people to stay in their brokeness, rather than trying to fix it with cliches. We decided that rather than trying to tell people that everything would be okay, we would just let them express their emotions. We try to let people work through the things they are dealing with rather than stopping them just because we feel uncomfortable. I think that this is possible because we are all feeling the same kind of pain. We aren't uncomfortable with someone else's pain because it's the same pain we are feeling.

It reminds me a bit of Job's friends. Job 2:13 "Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No on said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was." What a beautiful picture of grief sharing. The just sat with him. Not saying a word. This is not a perfect example because when they did open their mouths, their feet got stuck inside.

I hope that we can continue to strive for honest, real relationship with one another. It's time to open up and stop pretending that we don't hurt. We are to bear one another's burdens as our own. It's time for us to shut our mouths and sit in grief with our friends.